i'm stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake

i am sick and tired of having friends that are not good for me. i feel like i am only "friends" with these people out of convenience and that they are not right for me. they never do anything, they are not encouraging, they are not focused on the right things, and half the time i feel like they don't even want me around. i feel like they are just nice to me b/c it is the polite thing to do...even though there have been many instances when rude remarks were directed at me. i want friends who will encourage me, who will be friends with me b/c the want to and not b/c they have to, who will get off their butt and do something once in a while, who are not so focused on themselves that they lose sight of what's important. i'm sick of being belittled, of being ignored, of being forgotten, of being alone.

but i think that my biggest problem of all is that i don't see a way out. i'd like to blame it on my environment, that i have no way of meeting people b/c of my tiny dorm, but i know that the real reason is my deep insecurity. i hate going places and doing things without people i know. but unfortuantely, no one i know does anything. i feel almost trapped. i didn't mean for it to turn out like this. i mean, i always encourage everyone, and ask people to do things, but they just don't care.

oh Lord, help me to find my inner confidence to be the person You created me to be. help me to find the strength to step out of my comfort zone and not be afraid to do things alone, in hopes of meeting new people and forming friendships that are uplifting.