frustrated and tired, where do i go from here?
i am at my wit's end. i am so stinking tired of being ignored and treated like i don't exist. so i go and leave a note on this person (who shall remain nameless)'s door to let me know when they were going to dinner. i didn't want to knock on the door and just ask b/c they were doing homework and get all pissy if i bother them when they're doing homework. so i leave the note but is it even acknowledged??? of course not. so here i am at 7:15 eating a cup of Dinty Moore beef stew alone...again. you'd think that if someone asks you to wait for them that you would. if this was the first time this has happened maybe i wouldn't be so angry. but it SO is not. this is the norm around here and i can't take it anymore.
so these people (and especially this person) barely acknowledge my existance UNLESS they want something. when they hear that emma has magazines or that emma's parents brought her movies (that they just want to burn so they can watch w/o me) or that emma has homemade food in her fridge, all of a sudden they want to be best buddies with emma. i am being used and i do not appreciate it.
but ya know, maybe there is a reason. maybe there is a reason for all my pain and frustration. is God trying to work in my life? well God is always trying to work in my life, but could this be His way of helping me overcome my insecurities? maybe this attack on my "friendships" is happening only to make me fall on His shoulder, to bring me to His side. i think i just need to trust that His plan is what is best for me. it may not be the most "comfortable" or what i would desire in this situation, but He knows me better than i know myself. He is the Potter and i am the clay. i have to let him shape me and mold me. sometimes it hurts. it hurts bad. really bad. sometimes i just want to break down and cry. sometimes i just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep, to hide from all the pain. but i just have to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL and that He will never ever let me down.
never underestimate my Jesus
you're telling me that there's no hope
i'm telling you you're wrong
never underestimate my Jesus
when the world around you crumbles
you will be strong
you will be strong
so these people (and especially this person) barely acknowledge my existance UNLESS they want something. when they hear that emma has magazines or that emma's parents brought her movies (that they just want to burn so they can watch w/o me) or that emma has homemade food in her fridge, all of a sudden they want to be best buddies with emma. i am being used and i do not appreciate it.
but ya know, maybe there is a reason. maybe there is a reason for all my pain and frustration. is God trying to work in my life? well God is always trying to work in my life, but could this be His way of helping me overcome my insecurities? maybe this attack on my "friendships" is happening only to make me fall on His shoulder, to bring me to His side. i think i just need to trust that His plan is what is best for me. it may not be the most "comfortable" or what i would desire in this situation, but He knows me better than i know myself. He is the Potter and i am the clay. i have to let him shape me and mold me. sometimes it hurts. it hurts bad. really bad. sometimes i just want to break down and cry. sometimes i just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep, to hide from all the pain. but i just have to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL and that He will never ever let me down.
never underestimate my Jesus
you're telling me that there's no hope
i'm telling you you're wrong
never underestimate my Jesus
when the world around you crumbles
you will be strong
you will be strong
posted by emma | 4:11 PM
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